Denise Richards

Wild Things

Valentine

I’ve reviewed a lot of films on this blog, analyzed plenty of scripts, and lovingly roasted an appropriate amount of actors. But every so often, I like to shine a light on performers whom I have zero notes for—actors who, personal chaos aside, can’t help but make the screen sparkle a little brighter with their presence. You can tell who some of my most favorite actresses are by scrolling through this blog: Amy Adams, Jessica Chastain, Samara Weaving, Gena Rowlands, Kirsten Dunst, Parker Posey, and most recently, Lady Gaga. There isn’t enough space on this website, nor time in the world, for me to properly catalogue all of my favorite actresses, unfortunately, but I’d like to do my small part to highlight an actor who rarely gets the praise that she deserves—Denise Richards. You might know Denise Richards as the Bond Girl known as “Dr. Christmas Jones” in The World is Not Enough, or as the iconic Becky Ann Leeman in Drop Dead Gorgeous, or from her notable roles in Starship Troopers, Scary Movie 3, Undercover Brother, Love Actually, and most recently, her short but very memorable stint on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (Lisa Rinna you will pay for running her off…) She’s an incredibly talented actress, a consistent philanthropist, and a mother to three children, and yet she’s remembered for such surface-level things—her tumultuous marriage to Charlie Sheen, and her supreme, undeniable beauty. Men’s Health, Maxim, FHM, Stuff Magazine, Shape Magazine, and AskMen.com (why would I do that), have all recognized her as one of the sexiest, hottest, and most beautiful women alive over the past thirty years—and rightfully so, she’s gorgeous! But Denise Richards is so much more than a symmetrical face and a rockin’ bod, she’s also a phenomenal actress. She has a way of stealing every scene, and a way of delivering every line in the most iconic way possible. No matter how campy a film may be, it’s clear to this critic that she approaches each role with sincerity, intelligence, and respect—effortlessly doing the job of making smaller parts more memorable. No one can say “Jesus loves winners” like Denise Richards, and no one can walk away from a Real Housewives franchise still human—but Denise can. I would defend Denise Richards, even if she weren’t talented, because she’s just faced so much misogyny in her public life that I fear that she is known only by the controversy that has surrounded her in the past. But there’s much more to Denise Richards than a pretty face and crazy boyfriends—and it’s about time she was recognized for her acting abilities! Both of tonight’s Denise Richards Features showcase the immense and rare talents of this star, both films featured far more twists and turns and stunts than I could’ve possibly imagined, and they both were really, honestly, surprisingly good. Up first was John McNoughton’s 1998 sexy, tangled web of a thriller, a movie I only previously knew through gossip and salacious sentiments: the cult classic Wild Things. Before I get into the plot, I have to give a positive disclaimer: this movie is NOT what you think it is. Up until tonight, I understood Wild Things was the peak of the trashy skin-flicks that passed as psycho-sexual thrillers in the 1990s—an era of inescapable toxic masculinity and feminine abuse in the media. Women have been gawked at for millennia, but there was something about these cheesy, sleazy 90s thrillers that made them a playground for objectifying the female form. There are countless examples of the kinds of movies I’m speaking of, and they’re not all bad, but many of them lack female agency, and a decent plot. I’m overjoyed to announce that this was not the case with the convoluted, but still compelling, Wild Things. This scandalously swampy neo-noir takes place in the wealthy, small, fictional town in Florida called Blue Bay, where Sam Lombardo (Matt Dillon) works as a guidance counselor at a high school. Devilishly handsome and appropriately smarmy, all of the girls in Blue Bay (students and mothers alike) lust after Mr. Lombardo—especially the femme fatale next door, Kelly Van Ryan (Denise Richards.) In a shocking turn of events, Kelly accuses Sam Lombardo of raping her, causing the entire town to erupt with shame and pointing fingers. Sam is perceivably a good guy, who really cares about his students and his job, until a second student, Suzie from “the wrong side of the tracks” (Neve Campbell), also accuses him of rape. Thus begins a wild, unpredictable court case and investigation into these alleged crimes, led by police detective Ray Duquette (Kevin Bacon)—while Sam’s lawyer (Bill Murray??) tries desperately to find holes in both students’ stories. I wish that I could tell you more about this twisted tale, but that would spoil all of the trashy fun and genuine surprise that’s to be experienced with watching Wild Things. It’s not just the great dialogue, with lines like “What’s a sex crime? Not getting any!” or “Where’d she get her shoes? Whores 4 Less?”, nor is it just titties and talking about sex—though this does come up often. If you’d asked me what Wild Things was about a few days ago, I would’ve said “Idk, Denise Richards getting champagne poured on her chest? Denise Richards and Neve Campbell making out?” And I wouldn’t be incorrect, but that description is far too diminutive. While there is a heavy, expected dose of female objectification and over-sexualization in Wild Things, there is also a shocking amount of female empowerment hidden underneath all of this pandering to the male gaze. I know that may be hard to believe, but if you watch Wild Things with a critical eye in the year 2023? You’d be surprised at how much the women in this film kick ass, and by how much time and care is devoted to their respective backstories and motivations. This film is certainly fraught with occasional slurs, outdated ideas, and an influx of moan-y femininity that borders on parody, but there is such a delicious, satisfying payoff if you can make it to the end. Wild Things has more twists than I could count, and constantly toys with the audience and their expectations. Not a single character can be trusted, nor were they designed to be likable, which feels very ahead of its time. And much like her role in Drop Dead Gorgeous, Denise Richards is a stand out here—delivering emotion and passion and mysterious intentions with every line she uttered and every glare she gave. The wildest thing about Wild Things is that it’s actually good. Before I watched this, not even the sparkliest tumblr gif of Denise Richards could’ve convinced me that this movie was anything beyond porn, because that was the narrative I’d been sold. Every image and anecdote brought up in relation to this movie has to do with the threesome scene, and the scene where Neve Campbell and Denise Richards make out in a pool. And while these are certainly notable moments, no one talks about how Wild Things is a rather beguiling film, full of twists and turns and Kevin Bacon’s dick!!! Like hello? Why did no one consider mentioning this little factoid?? Why aren’t we sexualizing him??? I’m not saying that Wild Things is a perfectly feminist film, but it is far fresher, cooler, and way more complex than I expected. Another Denise Richards film that far exceeded my expectations was 2001 slasher from Urban Legend director Jamie Blanks, a little holiday horror film called Valentine. Valentine begins at a middle school dance, where a group of girlfriends all reject the class loser when he approaches them to dance—except for one nice girl that says “maybe later, Jeremy.” Middle school is an awkward time for everyone, but this outcast is bullied mercilessly—to the point that, 13 years later, Jeremy must exact his revenge. 13 years later, we’re reintroduced to this group of girls, all grown up and with love problems of their own. None of them can seem to find a date for Valentine’s Day, except for grown-up nice girl Kate (Marley Shelton), who’s dating the handsome but alcoholic Adam (David Boreanaz.) Even Paige (Denise Richards), who is characterized as the slut of the group, isn’t having any luck dating. Denise Richards is perpetually typecast in this lustful kind of role, but she always finds a way to transcend it and make herself more significant than anyone else. Valentine is one of the best examples of this—she’s not even the main character but she’s top-billed on IMDB, and the most-mentioned character in discussions on Letterboxd. Denise turns what could’ve been a slut-dies-first character into an unforgettable, hilarious, and justifiably bitchy icon. And while we know the name of this Valentine’s Day killer early on, Valentine creates a reasonably unpredictable premise by giving each friend of this group a newish, suspicious boy-toy—any of which could be the murderer, all grown up. The rest of this friend group is comprised of Jessica Capshaw, Jessica Cauffiel (of Legally Blonde fame), and Katherine Heigl, who plays a med student pre-Grey’s Anatomy. Valentine has some utterly amazing set pieces, some truly disturbing death sequences, and no shortage of creatively cringey dialogue that made my heart sing. This movie accurately captures the fact that dating is hell, no matter what era you live in, no matter who you bullied in middle school. My vengeance for my middle school bully is the knowledge that she now lives in the woods somewhere, but this kid’s vengeance was far more exciting to watch unfold. Once again, Denise Richards can be seen fighting off predatory men, and slaying each scene like she was born to do. I hope you enjoyed these blasts from the past as much as I did, and I hope we’ll all learn to give underrated and talented performers like Denise Richards the flowers they so clearly deserve!