Sports Films (pt. II)

Whip It

Hoosiers

Greetings and salutations, team. The start of a new year can feel, at times, overwhelming. There’s so much ahead of us, and the uncertainty of it all can feel daunting. There are two, surefire, guaranteed certainties in this uncertain world though: death, and sports. For as long as human beings have had opposable thumbs, we’ve also had sports—to prepare for war, to build strength, and most importantly, to entertain. Now, I’m not athletic. At all. And when it comes to Spice Girls I’m not even Sporty Spice (Not even today, on her birthday. Happy birthday, Mel C!). I do, however, understand the vast and layered importance of sports in the world—especially as more of the world becomes incomprehensible. Sometimes I do envy people who enjoy sports, because they are always so readily accessible. There is a network, or four networks, for every sport in existence, and for every sport there is a passionate, dedicated mass of fans and participants. Try as I might, pretend as I do, the institution of sports has never interested me. Sports films, are also, typically, not interesting to me. I may not be athletic, but I do love a challenge. This past week was my sport-loving dad’s birthday, and just like last year, I thought I’d challenge us to select two sports films that I might not hate to watch. And I’m happy to report that our choices did not disappoint. Up first was a film that I have been wanting to see since I first saw the trailer in middle school, Drew Barrymore’s 2009 directorial debut: Whip It. Whip It follows Bliss Cavendar (Elliot Page): a Texas teen who’s stuck in a small town and a stifling home. Bliss’ mom (Marcia Gay Harden) expects Bliss to be a debutante and a pageant winner, but Bliss is not at all interested in this, or anything in the suffocating fictional town of Bodeen. But when Bliss and their good friend Pash (Alia Shawkat) travel to Austin attend a roller derby match, Bliss learns exactly what they want to do. The bright lights of a warehouse building illuminate the glamazonian roller derby stars of this show: Kristen Wiig as Maggie Mayhem, Drew Barrymore as Smashley Simpson, Zoë Bell as Bloody Holly, and Eve (like THEE EVE) as Rosa Sparks—all playing for The Hurl Scouts. Kristen Adolfi and Rachel Piplica, better known as Krissy Krash and (the real) Iron Maven of the Los Angeles Derby Dolls, play a pair of twins called The Manson Sisters (and their roles are a bit of a nod to the giant twin man baby brothers in Slap Shot, which I appreciated.) The hardworking Hurl Scouts are coached by a hardworking man named Razor (aka Andrew Wilson [the third Wilson brother]) but they’re still the underdogs of the roller derby league, and the Holy Rollers are the undefeated team—lead by Juliette Lewis as (the fake) Iron Maven, and Ari Graynor as Eva Destruction (which is also the name of one of my fav drag queens). As Jimmy Fallon aka ‘Hot Tub’ Johnny Rocket, the host of the show, announces “By day, these ladies are your favorite waitresses, nurses, teachers. But by night these girls give the crowd what they came for.” For the crowd, it is simply entertainment, but for Bliss, it is an awakening. Thus begins Bliss’ secretive excursions to Austin, to try out for and eventually gain access into The Hurl Scouts—through trial, error, lying about their age, and dusting off the old Barbie roller skates. The rest of the film is pretty standard, fairly predictable, and—because it was 2009—totally corny at times, but I cannot tell you how much I loved this movie. I was pretty sure I would love Whip It from the moment it began with Elliot Page showing up to a Texas beauty pageant with blue spiky hair, but it only got better from there. Because Drew Barrymore directed this, and because it was written by roller derby icon Shauna Cross, Whip It was made in the most genuine, pure, and earnest way possible. You could feel the heart of this film pumping throughout, pushing Elliot page along their journey of confidence and creative expression, and you couldn’t help but root for The Hurl Scouts. Because it was 2009, the styling and some of the jokes were a little off. And because it was 2009, there was an unnecessary and straight up creepy romantic subplot: complete with kissing in pools, driving in cars fast, and musical cues that would shift between randomly sad piano music and the upbeat songs of MGMT. But I can forgive all of that. In a time when so much femme-centric media is branded, highly-stylized, and made to be über marketable, I really appreciate a scrappy feminist film like Whip It. It’s a romantic comedy, a sisterly bonding experience, and a sports drama all in one. And, speaking as an Austinite, it filled me with unimaginable joy to see any little precious nugget of the Old Austin—before Elon and Joe Rogan and F*ckerberg came in and washed away all of the weird grimy goodness that used to be a staple here. Elliot Page is a star, and the entire cast sold me on the love story here—not the dumb love story between Elliot and that random British bloke in a band—but the love story between Bliss and their chosen family. Drew Barrymore is naturally funny, but I had no idea she was a natural-born director, too. I laughed, I cried, I cringed at every stumble, slip, and punch thrown at our protagonists, and I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. I can’t believe it took me this long to watch it, and I also can’t believe that my enthusiasm carried right over into the next film: David Anspaugh’s 1986 basketball classic Hoosiers. Now, I’m being told that it is currently basketball season, so I suppose my timing is actually pretty decent, I just wish my interest in basketball was equally as decent—but I digress. Hoosiers didn’t quite reach Love & Basketball levels of entertainment, but it was still a slam dunk. (God I’m such a phony lmao anyway I’ll stop digressing) Hoosiers is based off of the true story of the Milan High School basketball team of 1954, and follows Coach Norman Dale (Gene Hackman)—a former basketball coach and military man who’s been tasked to travel to Hickory, Indiana to coach the oft-losing high school basketball team the Hoosiers. Norman is out of practice, and left his last job in disgrace, so when he arrives in the close-minded small town of Hickory, he doesn’t get the warmest welcome. But with the help of Barbara Hershey the teacher and Dennis Hopper the town drunk, Coach Dale believes that he can really pull this team together. In a large part of the country, and the world, basketball is king—which is shocking to me, someone who grew up only with the forced knowledge of southern, home-fried football. But in Indiana, especially, basketball rules all, and is a symbol of hope for this particular town of skeptics. With all of the pressure of this town on his shoulders, Coach Dale helps the Hoosiers to win several times—much to the shock of the town, the players, and the one outcasted kid who’d completely lost faith in the sport, and his own naturally-good abilities. Where the aggression in Whip It felt justified, here it felt very odd. Like I understand that the town of Hickory really cares about basketball, but every member of this small town was just so unnecessarily rude and intense to Coach Dale. I’m like… I know y’all are set in your ways but don’t you want to win? I understand why it was set up this way, but I’ll be honest, if I were Coach Dale I would’ve been like “okay BYE enjoy LOSING.” But because he is a better coach than I. Coach Dale stays, he works with this small but committed team of only white kids(…), and leads them to victory. There was, once again, a somewhat unnecessary romantic subplot, and though it was set in the 1950s, it’s just bizarre that there are barely in black people in this film. Weirdness aside, Hoosiers was a compelling film—one that revolved entirely around basketball but still managed to tell a handful of other stories alongside it. For all of the heart that Hoosiers had, though, I kind of wish it had some of the spunkiness that the past sports films I’ve watched had (Slap Shot, A League of Their Own, and Whip It). I’m glad I took a chance on more sports films, not because I’m dying to get involved and get bruised, but because I actually learned a great deal. It was cool to learn so much about two different sports that I previously knew nothing about—without it feeling too educational, preachy, or sappy. I may not love sports, but I do love movies, and I do love you, dear reader. Thanks for whippin and dribblin along with me this week. GO TEAM!