Mermaids

The Little Mermaid (2023)

The Lure

Greetings, dear reader, I’m so glad my siren song summoned you here for another round of double features. Ever since last week’s werewolf double creature features, I’ve been pondering the other mythical beasts that fascinate me, and which ones are deserving of a creature double feature of their own. My mind traveled beyond lycanthropy and vampirism—there have been plenty of vamps on this blog, and there are sure to be more—past ogres and fairies (which are underrepresented on screen, imo) and naturally, my mind eventually swam to the idea of mermaids. Like any person who grew up with an active imagination and access to a pool, I used to dream of being a mermaid. And even now, perhaps subconsciously, I still dream and think of it. If I were a stronger swimmer, or even a swimmer that could open their eyes underwater, I’d be closer to being a mermaid, but I do still try to keep my hair long enough to aesthetically cover my boobs, which is at least 30% of being a mermaid. I’d play mermaid with my friends in the pool, at the lake, certainly in the bathtub, and this is largely because of the 1989 Disney film The Little Mermaid. Disney’s chokehold on pop culture is difficult to ignore, today, tomorrow, and yesterday. And with a princess as popular as Ariel, music as catchy as “Under the Sea”, and decades-worth of mer-merchandizing this beloved movie for consumers, it didn’t take long for Disney’s mermaid lore to overtake the original Hans Christian Andersen story—which, as we all know, is far more dark than even the mom-murdering Disney Corporation would allow. The Little Mermaid is so precious to so many people, that it took Disney over thirty years to even attempt a remake. When Disney decided to bring many of their popular films like Aladdin, Mulan, Beauty and the Beast, The Lion King, Cinderella, The Jungle Book, and Dumbo to life with live action versions—rarely was the response positive. Apart from a loving response to Maleficent, and a lukewarm (somewhat ironic) appreciation of Cruella, most of these live action re-imaginings disappointed people, and I understand why. There is of course, the “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it” part of the disappointment, which is reasonable given how these original animated films are cemented as classic and untouchable by every Disney adult who grew up watching them. Then there’s the fact that a lot of unique, innovative design and aesthetic elements of an animated film become lost in the limited, 3D, real world. The other part of the disappointment might stem from Disney’s commitment to staying out-of-touch, and their overeager attempts to prove that they live in the twenty-first century with us. This brings me to the 2023 live-action remake of The Little Mermaid, where, all positive reviews and excitement from audiences were drowned out by racists who were unhappy with Ariel being black. Disney adults were up in arms in the name of being “purists” to the “original” story, and loud racists were out in full-force before this film even finished production. It was so disgusting, so immature, so stupid, even for Disney fans, that after a century of kids media featuring good stories and bad, outdated concepts and awkward modernizations, anti-Semitic beginnings and scabby, anti-union present-day affiliations, that a black mermaid was the thing to REALLY make people mad at this company. For this reason, I was always rooting for Halle Bailey’s Ariel, even though it took me months to finally watch it. I was disappointed by the new Mulan and Aladdin films to the extent that I didn’t dare watch Emma Watson’s Beauty and the Beast—what’s the point of ruining all three of my favorite Disney princess movies? (If they really make this new Hercules I will really be concerned) Mulan wasn’t a musical, Aladdin made Aladdin wear a shirt the whole time (which is just a glaring inaccuracy to those of us who’s first crush was the trademark, shirtless Aladdin), and yet, I had hope for this new Little Mermaid. And apart from some really unnecessary but still inoffensive changes, I was, shockingly, not let down. Just hearing the familiar chords of “Part of Your World” at the beginning of the film made me emotional, but I was completely enthralled by this movie instantly, especially since it began with a quote from the original Hans Christian Andersen story: “but a mermaid has no tears, and therefore she suffers so much more”. The Little Mermaid (2023) is essentially shot-for-shot, beat-for-beat, the same as the original for the first half or so, which I, personally, was obsessed with (but it did make me wonder how this movie still managed to be a good 40 minutes longer than the original…) The fake ocean Ariel lives in was absolutely stunning—I mean Aquaman’s CGI could simply never. Particularly during the “Under the Sea” number, each hyperrealistic sea creature, anemone, and grain of sand was gloriously crafted, and Halle’s gorgeous, emotive face shone especially bright against the deep, royal blues and vibrantly colorful coral of the ocean floor. I’m obviously a fan of practical effects, but the CGI here was not only pleasing, it was fairly seamless. Seeing all of Ariel’s sisters of the seven seas with their elegant mermaid tails of all varieties made me smile, and when Javier Bardem aka King Triton showed up with his grey beard and long mullet made of a school of fish, it only made me slightly laugh. I was afraid of what alterations might’ve been made to this familiar story, but early on in my viewing I let those anxieties wash away, because between Halle’s impeccable singing voice (even her speaking voice sounded like the OG Ariel, Jodi Benson [who had a fun cameo]), the fun cinematography, and this film’s clear admiration for its predecessor, I was really enjoying myself. Even Awkwafina as she/they Scuttle didn’t bother me because I’m an Awkwafina apologist and love her show Nora from Queens, although that song they gave Scuttle was very dumb. (They could’ve at LEAST cast Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang as Flotsam and Jetsam) But since Halle Bailey was given so much grief from bigots, just for simply existing and being cast, I’d like to list some other aspects of this film that should’ve received criticism instead: including, but not limited to, those alarmingly off-center, childishly, offensively, crudely drawn eyebrows on Melissa McCarthy. Her Ursula was pretty phenomenal, funny, and sexy, as she should’ve been! But for her to not say the iconic line “Never underestimate the power of body language” but instead have to say that her and Triton have a “squidling rivalry”… all while wearing the worst brows I’ve ever seen, was awful. Melissa was gorgeous, she sounded amazing, but those eyebrowsssss darling made me feel for her poor, unfortunate soul… The fact that this iconic character is based on a drag queen and they never thought to consult a drag artist for her makeup is appalling, and perhaps the biggest oversight other than Flounder being ugly and Eric being regular-guy cute and not moviestar-hot. That might be harsh, but again, I’ll remind you how much shit Halle was given for doing a wonderful job, so it’s only right that I even the score. Also, if you were wondering if this Eric (who was also unnecessarily given his own song) is a nepo baby, he is. I appreciated how this remake spent time showing Ariel how challenging and annoying it is to be a human woman with corsets and heels and men who don’t mind that you cannot speak, this is where those extra minutes of movie were used wisely and thoughtfully—not when Scuttle was rapping or when Eric was moping through song. The bar was set incredibly low for this film, given the unsatisfactory live action attempts that came before it, but I was relieved and entertained by The Little Mermaid, and impressed by its dedication to honoring its source material and successfully modernizing it. When I decided to do mermaid movies this week, I instantly knew that I had to watch the new Little Mermaid, and another film I’ve been longing to see since it came out in 2015, Agnieszka Smoczyńska’s Polish-horror-mermaid-musical The Lure. Yes, you read that correctly, just like the famous Little Mermaid, The Lure is a mermaid musical as well—which is something that I did not find out until pressing play on the film myself, so this is me providing a trigger warning to those of you who avoid musicals the same way others avoid horror movies. After the wholesome and lighthearted The Little Mermaid, I was so happy to view a different kind of mermaid story that reflects some of the twisted darkness that exist with these creatures within literature. Don’t get me wrong, I love Splash and Aquamarine and Beach Blanket Bingo, but the lore and history of mermaids is exquisitely macabre, and yet this fact is seldom represented in the stories we tell about them now. The Lure is the antidote to all of the sweetness of our modern day mermaid fantasies, and offers up a decently chilling story—alongside a tonally-confusing disco soundtrack. The Lure opens on a band of gentleman just chilling and jamming on a beach somewhere in Poland. Suddenly, two curious and pretty sirens appear in the water, catching the eye of a cute, dead-eyed, blonde-haired, Lukas Gage/Evan Peters-esque human boy. They begin to sing, thus luring these men into the water, until a curly-haired girly appears on land, and her screaming breaks the charm. Suddenly, we’re in a cabaret-style adult entertainment club, where this same curly-haired girly is singing a hypnotic rendition of Donna Summer’s “I Feel Love”. The nightclub owner begins to complain of a smell, and after searching all of the backrooms of his establishment, he finds two half-naked half-human mer-creatures named Silver and Golden. The sleazy nightclub owner is intrigued by these creatures, their lack of genitalia, and when he discovers what happens when you splash them with water, he sees a lucrative business opportunity in front of him. And just like that, Golden and Silver, ageless and genderless and full of curiosity, join this band’s cabaret act as strippers, singers, and as the purveyors of one helluva reveal. Conveniently, Golden and Silver can sing quite well, and are down to be exploited, but after one of the sirens falls in love with a human, these creatures learn how our world is far darker place than their watery home. The Lure is suffused with a dazzling, neon aesthetic that was absolutely to die for. The costuming and set design were immaculate and sparkling, and yet the entire film has an air of melancholy surrounding it. At times, it confused the senses. Its tone would be effectively sad, then a silly, sappy song with inane lyrics would occur and I didn’t quite know how to feel. If you’re familiar with the classic lore of Hans Christian Andersen’s Little Mermaid, then you’ll quickly see where The Lure’s tangled tale/tail is headed, but regardless of your knowledge of mer-history, this film is sure to keep you invested. Unsurprisingly, The Lure did an even better job of conveying how much it sucks here on land, and though some of the lyrics are dumb and some of the numbers are campy as hell, it succeeded in its depiction of human cruelty and animal instincts. The Lure does stay true to much of the historic literary understandings of mermaids, but it also does an excellent job of bringing this concept and its lessons into modernity. In this version: the humans are worse, cigarettes can steal your voice instead of Ursula, Triton plays in a punk band, and these little mermaids are far from innocent. The Lure was stranger, creepier, kinkier, and far more tragic than I was expecting, but I loved it for these reasons. There is such little magic in the real world, I rely on movies to deliver the fantasies that I crave, and The Lure was the groovy, grimy, garishly gruesome film to satisfy all of my mermaid cravings. I can’t believe how much I enjoyed both of these mermaid movies, given how different they were from my high expectations. I can’t think of a better way to wrap up summer and creep into spooky season, than with some of the boldest mermaid movies ever brought to the big screen. They certainly made a splash with me! Ta ta for now, fishies 🧜‍♀️