Hair
Shampoo
Blow Dry
How do you hairdo, dear reader? Speaking as a long, curly-haired individual who hasn’t had a haircut since 2018 (pause for shock and judgment) I certainly know the importance and the implications of hair. Part of why it’s taking me so long to get a haircut is because I am so annoyingly concerned with my hair that I won’t let just anyone even trim it. My hair unfortunately rules my world, and much like my dating life, I’d rather take the time to find the right person than just settling for Supercuts. To quote Fleabag, hair is everything. And this is no shade to people without hair—I mean, I would even consider being bald or thinning to be a hairdo, so no one’s left out of this conversation, really. Even though we want to act above our own vanity, society and visual culture has consistently emphasized the significance of maintaining a certain standard with one’s own appearance, and typically this begins with the head and face, which is, of course, framed by the all-important, all-encompassing, all-knowing fashion statement known as hair. Hair is—for better or worse—a status symbol, an identity marker, a mood indicator, and the cut, color, style, and personality of it can really affect the way you are perceived by the world. And while the male species may think they are immune to this particular beauty standard, I would say that hair is actually the most universally-revered element of aesthetic presentation. 87% of hair transplant recipients are men, and in Turkey, alone, there are roughly 2,000 of these scalp surgeries every day. Our American dictator and his trademarked, transparent toupee absolutely care about hair, as he’s constantly obsessing over his own and everyone else’s. Hair is an industry, a ritual practice, a way of life, a politicized and glamorized part of the body for which people are exploited, scrutinized, lionized, and remembered. And when it comes to the way hair is represented in film, this significance is definitely palpable, and the memorable hair moments are immeasurable. I think of Cruella de Vil’s iconic black-and-white mop in One Hundred and One Dalmatians, Mia Farrow’s famous pixie cut in Rosemary’s Baby, Audrey Hepburn’s subtle sophisticated bun in Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Carrie Fisher’s still-trendy spacebuns in Star Wars, Pam Grier’s glamorous afro in Foxy Brown and her voluminous long hair in Jackie Brown, Cher’s capacious hair transformation in Moonstruck, Alicia Silverstone’s effortlessly-silky hair as Cher in Clueless, Chris Tucker’s phallic hairstyle in The Fifth Element, Grace Jones’ signature flat top in A View to Kill, Cameron Diaz’ erect bangs in There’s Something About Mary, Lucy Liu telling Cameron Diaz to “flip your god damn hair” in Charlie’s Angels, the ever-changing hair colors of Kate Winslet in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Mary Elizabeth Winstead in Scott Pilgrim vs. the World—and this isn’t even including all of the iconic wig moments on screen! I could really go on forever about the follicular fabulousness of famous film hair, but tonight let’s just focus on two particular movies where hair is the protagonist, the antagonist, and the reason for their stories to be told.
Up first is a classic in the genre of hair movies, an Oscar-winning, star-studded, lush and ludicrous, immaculately-scored film called Shampoo. Hal Ashby’s 1975 film Shampoo (which turned 50 years old in February) was said to be based on Hollywood hairdresser and producer Jon Peters as well as Jay Sebring (one of the victims of Manson’s Family), but in my research, I discovered that the main inspiration for this character was actually another hairdresser to the stars named Gene Shacove. Regardless who the exact male muse was, Warren Beatty is mostly just playing himself as George Roundy—the motorcycle-riding, womanizing, manically-ambitious, flouncy-haired philanderer and expert hairdresser / antihero of this film. Shampoo opens on election night eve in 1968, with the haunting melodies of The Beach Boys playing as George rolls around in bed with one of his many lovers, Felicia (Lee Grant), until he receives a phone call that beckons him to another lover, Jill (Goldie Hawn.) George seems to be solely interested in married or otherwise-engaged women, but he gets away with his treacherous trysts because every man assumes that if George is a hairdresser, he must surely be a flamboyant gay man. They cannot fathom the sex appeal and transformative powers of a well-dressed, queer-coded hunk with a valuable skill to offer because this was only 1968 and the masculine ideal was still pretty rigid. I wasn’t sure if I should be charmed, impressed, or pissed off by George’s powerful flirtation tactics, how all he has to say is, “who’s doing your hair?” and he’s got the most gorgeous women wrapped around his hair-cutting fingers. At the bustling salon where George works, he is the most sought-after and respected hairdresser, he can hardly keep up with the stylistic and sexual needs of his beautiful clientele. He dreams of opening up his own salon, but when the bank denies him a loan, George has to look a little closer at his ever-growing inner circle to find a financial backer. Enter Lester Karpf (Jack Warden), the husband of his lover Felicia, and the current lover of his former lover, Jackie (Julie Christie), who is hopefully just rich and clueless enough to be George’s benefactor. This potential business partnership is, of course, complicated and derailed by the complex, beyond-a-love-triangle that has taken shape among this incestuous crop of Hollywood elites. And even though this fluffy-haired sex symbol is seemingly sleeping with every woman in town, drying women’s hair in a way that makes it look like they’re blowing him, performing delicate scalp massages in the intimate house call hair appointments he makes, even going so far as to sleep with the daughter (Carrie Fisher) of one of his lovers, he consistently gets away with murder. The only thing more shocking than George’s brazen sexcapades is the way he manipulates women into bed by saying they need a haircut when they very clearly do not. As someone with hair and, therefore, hair anxieties, I would fall for this trick as well, and that makes me positively SICK. Even worse is how George cuts Jackie’s hair to look just like Felicia’s, either inadvertently or with malicious intent, which is depraved either way, honestly! Sleazy, chauvinistic main character aside, I really really enjoyed Shampoo, and its ode to these beautiful people in this beautiful era of Los Angeles. And while this movie ended up being more about sex addiction than hair, I couldn’t help taking note of all of the stunning, silken heads of hair on glorious display—whether it was Goldie Hawn’s golden locks, Lee Grant’s elegant bob, Julie Christie’s silver-lined brown strands, or Warren Beatty’s gravity-defying, impressively-wigless ‘do. The events of Shampoo take place in the span of like, 48 hours, and yet so much story and conflict and politics and style is packed in. The music, the dialogue, the fashion, the Shakespearean levels of drama, the insatiably-and-absurdly-horny attitude of Shampoo was so much fun to experience, I forgot all about Warren Beatty being a creep on and off camera. I’m not sure if Beatty’s on-again-off-again girlfriend at the time, Julie Christie, was able to forget though, considering the fact that Beatty was sleeping with Goldie Hawn during production. I didn’t think this film would be so hilarious, so jaw-droppingly 1970s (even though its set in the late 60s), but it was simultaneously progressive and offensive at times.
The same could probably be said for tonight’s second film, a lesser-known hair dramedy that had just enough Love Actually cast members to make me experience a brief war flashback, this is Paddy Breathnach’s 2001 American-British film Blow Dry. I would’ve never guessed that this film was British, since one of the primary posters for it features early-2000s American teen heartthrobs Josh Hartnett and Rachael Leigh Cook, locked in a cheeky embrace. Blow Dry transports us to the small, English farm town of Keighley, which has been miraculously chosen to host the annual British Hairdressing Championships, much to the delight of the town’s mayor, Tony (Warren Clarke.) Bill Nighy stars as Ray Robertson—a posh hairdresser who will stop at nothing to win, though his American-raised daughter, Christina (Rachael Leigh Cook) who’s been asked to model for this competition, couldn’t care less about this over-the-top spectacle. That is, until she reunites with her childhood friend, Brian (Josh Hartnett), who’s been working in a barber shop with his dad, Phil (Alan Rickman): the once-famous hairdresser and hometown hero who has retired from the big leagues since his wife, Shelley (Natasha Richardson), ran off with Phil’s former hair model, Sandra (Rachel Griffiths.) In the years since this small town scandal, Phil and Brian have mostly avoided Shelley, but when she is diagnosed with terminal cancer (unnecessarily devastating), Shelley hatches a plan to unite her girlfriend, her ex-husband, and her son by competing as the home team in the Hairdressing Championships. Even though Phil was once known as the “King of the bloody scissors” (not the best usage of that particular British slang), he has no interest in competing—let alone buddying up to the woman his wife left him for—but when his old hairdressing nemesis Ray Robertson begins to cheat his way through the competition, Phil is ready to step up to the chair and style like his life and his legacy depend on it. There are plenty of other noteworthy moments in this film, for example, when the teen hair apprentices practice their cutting and coloring on some cadavers right before an open-casket funeral, but I shan’t give all of the hairy hijinks away. Blow Dry was shockingly funny and entertaining for its dreary setting, clumsy queer representation, and unnecessarily tragic subplot—and as far as early 2000s British comedies go, it’s a cut above the rest. I loved how every character, regardless of status or hair skills, emphasized the importance of hair, and I particularly appreciated the moment where Bill Nighy analyzes a skeptical bumpkin’s hair like Sherlock Holmes, “You can tell a lot from a man’s hair, for instance, you washed it three days ago with tea tree scalp treatment and got it cut 2 weeks ago.” The entirety of this movie is just ridiculous, but I couldn’t look away from each extraordinary feat of hairstyling within this competition. Only on Ru Paul’s Drag Race have I seen wigs and styles this daring and innovative, and I’m glad that this film took the time and budget it requires to accomplish such breathtaking looks. It was only slightly distracting to witness Minnesota-born Josh Hartnett undertake a Yorkshire accent, in his atrocious-but-iconic bowl cut, which only one character acknowledges—when he tells Sandra she has split ends and she replies, “Take a look at yourself, love.” But when Josh Hartnett and Rachael Leigh Cook, the Romeo and Juliet of this hyper-niche hair world, touch their foreheads—fringe-to-fringe—that’s romance. (Fun fact: Hartnett and Cook actually went to high school together but never knew each other.) Blow Dry also stars Hugh Bonneville, Rosemary Harris, Peter McDonald, Michael McElhatton, David Bradley, and Heidi Klum, and the release of this film actually had to be delayed because another British film with a very similar premise called The Big Tease came out in 2000. While critics initially slammed this movie for being too formulaic and silly, I’ve seen enough comedies from this era to know that Blow Dry at least tries to add some highlights to the stuffy, British version of this frenetic, comedic farce, and for that reason I really enjoyed it. Whether your hair is long or short, shaved or cut, dyed or all-natural, both of tonight’s films are worth the time spent in the chair. Thanks for reading along this week, my dear reader, I hope you never cut me or my silly movie opinions out of your life. Ta ta for now!
