Danny DeVito

The War of the Roses

Twins

Dear reader, I’ve had enough of the drama and trauma and never-ending conflama and I just want to talk about something good and true and right in this backwards world. Danny DeVito. Period. End of blog post.

No, but really, his name should say it all and it’s about time we put some motherfucking respect on this man’s name. Danny DeVito is one of the most intuitively, naturally funny people I’ve ever seen on screen, and he’s starred in, produced, written, and/or directed some of my favorite pieces of media from my childhood and adulthood. He’s a renaissance man, who can play the level-headed brute and the kind, frolicking weirdo. Currently, he’s probably primarily known as Frank Reynolds from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, a show he saved after it was cancelled during its first season. But his legacy is decade-spanning, culture-creating, life-affirming, even. Danny DeVito was born on November 17th in New Jersey, and raised in Ashbury Park (Just a few miles away from the original Jersey Mike’s location, where he’d eat frequently, which inspired him to become their first celebrity spokesman in 2022) in an Italo-Albanian household with his two older sisters. DeVito stands 4 feet 10 inches tall, an iconic height he maintains due to his diagnosis of Fairbanks disease, a rare genetic disorder that affects bone growth. While working as a beautician at his sister's salon, he searched for a professional makeup instructor which led him to the American Academy of Dramatic Arts, where he graduated in 1966. He got his start in the theater, performing with the Colonnades Theater Lab at the Eugene O'Neill Theater Center, where he appeared in plays produced by the Westbeth Playwrights Feminist Collective. He met Rhea Perlman here in 1971 and the two would move in together just two weeks later, but they wouldn’t get married for another ten years. His breakout role was playing Martini in Miloš Forman’s One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, but DeVito really became the national treasure that he is when he took the role of Louie De Palma on the tv show Taxi—which earned him an Emmy and a Golden Globe. From then on, Danny DeVito starred in hit after hit after cult classic and blockbuster success, easily occupying comedic roles as well as serious ones. Terms of Endearment,  Johnny Dangerously, Romancing the Stone, Batman Returns, The Rainmaker, L.A. Confidential, Mars Attacks!, Hercules, Man on the Moon, The Virgin Suicides, Big Fish, The Lorax, Poolman, Beetlejuice/Beetlejuice—each one further proving his watchability and likability. And those are just his acting credits! DeVito has also proven his prowess as a director, having directed films like Throw Mama From the Train, Duplex, and Matilda—one of the best book adaptations and children’s movies of all time. To quote my buddy Roger Ebert of The Chicago Sun-Times, “There is never a moment (except toward the happy ending) that we sense DeVito is anything other than quite serious about this material. He goes with Dahl's macabre vision.” He’s also produced several documentaries like Revenge of the Electric Car, and you may not know that he was a producer on projects like Pulp Fiction, Get Shorty, Erin Brockovich, and the tv show Reno911! (which I love.) You can tell he does this work for the love of it, and cares little for the notoriety of it, because he’s uncredited or hardly mentioned for his participation in several other pieces of media like Space Jam, Men in Black, a 1986 My Little Pony movie, and The Simpsons. Danny DeVito is a celebrity well-deserving of diva status, but he’s never been the kind. The most controversial decision he’s ever made, as far as I can tell, was turning down the role of Detective Pikachu, after 40,000 people signed a petition for him to be the English voice actor. He’s an icon, a legend, a goblin-sized king who shares the spotlight with performers who are far more often-praised than he, so to celebrate his impending 80th birthday, let’s celebrate some Danny DeVito classics. Because I believe that Matilda is truly one of the best films ever made, I knew that I had to investigate some other films DeVito has directed, so I decided to begin with a film he directed and starred in, from 1989—The War of the Roses. This is another literary work that DeVito saw the value of, and decided to bring to life himself, which is so funny and interesting. The War of the Roses begins with tonight’s leading man standing in a nice suit in a nice attorney’s office, where he tells a client of his that he quit smoking for 13 whole years, until one of his divorce cases pushed him to pick up a cigarette once again. This is the story of the Roses, the most bitter, brutal ending of a marriage that Gavin D’Amato (DeVito) has ever witnessed. “You’d have heard of them if I hadn’t kept it out of the papers”, he says, before going into a vivid flashback. We see the meet-cute of Barbara and Oliver Rose (Kathleen Turner and Michael Douglas), who, from the very beginning, had deep, philosophical differences. They meet in college, which aging Kathleen Turner and Michael Douglas’ try their best to convey, and together they raise two kids and help Oliver become more powerful at his law firm. Quickly, Oliver turns into an over-worked curmudgeon, who doesn’t take to family life as naturally as Barbara does. Oliver oozes with an elitist sense of pretentiousness when he invites his whole firm over for dinner, which Barbara cooked, and tells her to tell the table the story of how they acquired certain silverware. Oliver decides that she’s taking too long to tell this story, so he interjects and delights in doing what he perceived as undo-able by his wife. Their differences are glaring, their personalities are bumping up against each other, and by the time their kids grow up and go to college, Barbara and Oliver realize how little they truly have in common. It is painful but riveting, watching the rift grow greater and greater between these two, as they passive-aggressive each other to near-death. It becomes clear that Barbara hates, despises even, Oliver. And it’s unclear if Oliver feels anything for Barbara, at all. When their disdain for one another reaches its boiling point, and Barbara says she wants a divorce, they finally agree on something. But when it comes down to who gets the house, their rivalry reaches new peaks, and their sabotage of one another plunges new depths. The War of the Roses is one of the darkest, silliest, most cantankerous movies I’ve ever seen, it might just be the perfect movie to watch if you’re in a bad mood. As insane and absurd as this film is, I was still pretty gobsmacked by its intense ending, as if I thought things could ever be resolved in this prickly story. Kathleen Turner is one of the best camp actresses to ever exist, and Michael Douglas is forever the lil nepo baby that could—somehow playing a sex symbol for two decades without ever being sexy. And it’s all brought together by DeVito’s hilarious performance and astute directing, as he masterfully proves how well-aligned comedy and tragedy can be when they’re in the right hands. Cher was actually considered for the role of Barbara, but in the battle of deep-voiced divas, Kathleen Turner is the winner for me. This film had a pretty polarizing reception, probably because it revolves around the unpleasant descent of an-already fraught relationship, but I found it to entertaining and fascinating. When I was a hyper-sensitive child, I couldn’t bear watching uncomfortable films like this one—I could hardly watch Curb Your Enthusiasm because it was so frustrating. But as I grow older, wiser, and more bitter, I can appreciate a cringe comedy, or an acerbically-comedic drama like this film. If you’re in the right kind of bad mood, it might just feel cathartic to watch Michael Douglas throw porcelain trinkets and Kathleen Turner put a rat trap on Michael Douglas’ dick. As shocked as I was by the ending, it felt appropriate to end this caustic movie in catastrophe—an ending that DeVito really fought for. Oddly and creepily enough, a man named Richard Shenkman held his ex-wife, Nancy Tyler, hostage for over 13 hours in their home after becoming obsessed with this movie—basing some of his actions on the movie itself. Fortunately, Tyler was able to escape, although Shenkman burned her home down, for which he was given a 70-year sentence. But we can’t blame Danny DeVito for that! What we can do is give DeVito credit for his keen ability to bring wild stories to life, just as he did with tonight’s next film: Ivan Reitman’s 1988 comedy titled Twins. As with many films released during this era, Twins is chock-full of blunt, sexual, silly humor, that somehow earned it a PG rating. But unlike most of these ludicrous films, Twins was surprisingly sweet and unexpectedly wholesome—especially since the film is trying to portray Danny DeVito as a scumbag, which never really fits this sweetie pie (in my opinion.) Twins imagines a ridiculous world in which under-5ft Danny DeVito and over-6ft Arnold Schwarzenegger are twin brothers, who were separated at birth. Essentially, a bunch of scientists engineered a superbaby, which turned out to be Arnold’s character Julius, but they didn’t plan for the possibility of twins. So all of the qualities left over went to Danny DeVito’s character, Vincent. I won’t go into all of the specifics of this premise, because it’s surprisingly convoluted for such a goofy movie, but this film follows the reuniting of these brothers and their search for their mother, and the truth. It’s also about how Arnold has to protect Danny from all of the loan sharks he’s pissed off, despite Arnold’s character hating violence. Arnold was, at the time, the world’s greatest, toughest action movie hero, but his doofy-faced, super-intelligent, fervently-friendly role in Twins marked a significant shift in his career. Schwarzenegger and DeVito both signed on, with little hope that it would translate or be successful. There wasn’t enough money in the budget for these leads to be paid their normal salaries, so Arnold, Danny, and director Ivan Reitman decided to split a percentage of the gross profits between the three of them—making more than they would have made taking their fees upfront because the film was such a hit. Schwarzenegger got 20% of the profits, and made $35 million through international sales, video/DVD sales and TV screenings, making Twins a greater financial success than any of the Terminator movies. I didn’t expect Twins to be so sweet, so earnest, and so natural in its depiction of unlikely brothers reuniting. The cynical crudeness of DeVito’s character, juxtaposed against the naive, hopeful charm of Schwarzenegger’s, makes for one of the cutest companionships and brotherhoods I’ve ever seen. As strange as this pairing seems, they’re only three years apart in age, and they have the most captivating chemistry. And to this day, Arnold Schwarzenegger says that Twins is the best movie he’s ever done. As with every project he’s ever done and ever will do, Danny DeVito can’t help stealing the show and making the entire experience better with his involvement. While small in stature and humble in his accomplishments, DeVito is one of the strongest, most fearless, most versatile performers of my lifetime. I trust him with any role, any project, hell, I’d probably trust him with my life if it came down to it. So this November 17th, let’s celebrate this legendary Scorpio and give him the flowers he deserves. In these trying and uncertain times, I like to remember the good things in this world, like this acting, directing, producing, singing, dancing, compelling legend. Thank you, Danny DeVito, I love your work!!